kerrySMITH

Throughout this project, I feel there has been a variety of development both in terms of work and in terms of personally. My FMP has enabled me to feel much more comfortable in front of the camera and has boosted my confidence as a person overall which I was not expecting. The work started off quite chaotic in terms of how it looked aesthetically as I had included so much information into the single frame.

 

 At the beginning of this project, I took inspiration from one of my previous projects and compiled a survey to gather information about what people have to remember about one of their dreams. There is something about the idea of recreating something using photography which is seen to be something that can document the truth, to depict a story that never actually happened in the real world that fascinates me greatly. At the beginning of the project, I was hoping to have a set of whimsical images that do not represent real life at all. From looking at the final images this could not be further from that thought… Although this is true, the main artist’s influences I feel have stayed the same (Sherman, diCorcia, Crewdson etc.)

 

Cindy Sherman’s quote “I feel anonymous in my work. When I look at the pictures, I never see myself; they aren’t self-portraits. Sometimes I disappear.” Is something that I can completely understand and agree with. I do not look at these photographs and think they are me… It is physically me but I see them as a character. For a moment I forget what I look like and the person in the photographs is just there. I become completely disassociated from the girl in the photographs.

 

The Performing for the Camera exhibition at the Tate really gave me a lot of inspiration when travelling through the gallery, both in terms of presentation and methodology. The tableau photographs c. 1894 show me that performing in front of the camera is something that we are prone to doing. Children act silly and adults stiffen up and smile.

 

My second shoot was something that is wholly different to what my final piece is now. My shyness of being in front of the camera meant I had to improvise and do something completely abstract. Just to go out and shoot something. Something that could relate to the project. So I went out and shot an image of a petrol station and edited some washing machines where the petrol pumps should be. This was a blessing in disguise as it made me realise that I do not what my photographs to look artificial as I once thought they should be. I wanted the photographs to be realistic but to portray something that is fictional.

 

I then did some research and found to work of Cig Harvey and thought I can create something whimsical and ‘unreal’ and not have it be photoshop. I reshot this image (the girl with the lamp) several times on different cameras to determine what camera I think needs to be used.

 

I think the trip to the Open Eye gallery in Liverpool opened my eyes (…poor turn of phrase) in terms of how silver based practice can be used to create stunning imagery suited for a gallery space. I was determined I wanted to shoot in colour at the time so did not change my technique at that point.

 

The turning point in this project was at shoot 8 when I was trying to capture an image of a girl falling down the stairs. The model was just not comfortable enough to do it so I stepped in front of the camera to demonstrate how to position herself. To my surprise, I quite enjoyed playing this character who was in a vulnerable situation and was not bothered with having my photograph taken… I think subconsciously, I knew it was a character that was being played so I did not think it was me. I am hiding behind a mental façade that is the character in the dream. The rest of the shoots after shoot 8 are all me being the subject.

 

I started to write the dreams down in a dream journal, a place where I could keep all of them in one place and take them out to shoots with me. This method was quite therapeutic and I think the physicality of handwriting each dream adds to the personal aspect of the project.

 

The methodology for the rest of the shoots was to shoot them first on a DSLR camera, go through the images, edit down which one I think worked best in terms of framing, pose, expression, etc. and recreate it using film afterwards. I think by using the DSLR to shoot with beforehand it cut out a lot of unneeded expense and allowed me to make mistakes and be flexible with how many shots I could take. When I came around to shooting on colour film I felt that that was when the problems started to arise especially with the colour cast over the images. Since I had to shoot in so many different locations the lighting was different in some as opposed to others.

However, when editing my photographs down from first and second semester, I realised that there could be a solution to this as well as making the photographs tie together better aesthetically… shoot in black and white. I did some research before shooting to make sure that this dramatic change was the best thing for me to do and I found some similarities already between my work and Sherman’s film stills from my research at the very beginning of the year. Her facial expressions are mainly neutral and she looks out of the frame, unaware of the camera. Something that I have subconsciously been doing when planning and shooting my own images. Of course, some of the photographs have dramatic expressions which then brings me to the work of Hitchcock and his film Psycho (1960). The protagonist, Marion spends the majority of the first part of the film with a neutral expression to seem normal as she steals from her employer. The dramatic change in emotion is in the iconic shower scene when she is stabbed by Bates. This change in expression connects to my own practice when my photographs are viewed in a sequence and the dramatic contrast in the black and white means my photographs would fit better into this Film Noir genre.

 

Costume and makeup may not seem something that is considered in the photographs but the black eyeliner around the eyes is for a more dramatic reading of expression. It hints to the viewer ‘look here’, coupled with the decision to remove glasses, more emotion can be connected to the photographs. Additionally, I dyed my hair before the B&W shots to a darker shade, to again, increase the contrast within the photos and since my skin is very pale, it would frame my face better.

 

After shooting on black and white 35mm film I knew these were the images I wanted to use for finals. The contrast in the highlights and shadows was unparalleled to anything I had previously shot and I was so happy with how they had turned out. To further enhance the dramatic impact, I printed them on fibre-based paper as big as I could on the enlarger 16”x10” full frame with slightly overexposed highlights and underexposed shadows to further enhance the drama within the images.

 

When showing these photographs as a part of a sequence, I thought it would be interesting to show them as a development through a narrative. Although the images depict small sections of dreams, the fact they are positioned parallel on the wall means a narrative is naturally read from left to right. This is also shown subtly in the images themselves as the protagonist looks from the left of the frame, through to the right as you move along the sequence. Additionally, the camera moves closer to the protagonist throughout the series, increasing the vulnerability and suspense. Not only this, it signifies my own personal relationship with the camera, being more and more comfortable to be seen in front of it.

 

Overall, I feel this project has been not just a development of my photographs (pardon the pun) but a development in myself as a person as I mentioned before. I did something I never thought I would be able to do and as a person, I have grown and so has my confidence.

 

- Kerry Smith